Splatypus Jar Spatula

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A clear sphere with NOTHING inside, packaged with full solemnity. For the person who has everything: this was the only thing missing.

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A planter with a serene face and little hands making a heart, where the plant becomes the hairdo. Gift it with a succulent and it'll rule her shelves.

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Two shot glasses shaped like porta-potties, for toasting where no toast was requested. The touch of class your party didn't know it was missing.

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Pour your bourbon into real wood and let the charred interior add subtle oak barrel flavor to every sip. This wooden whiskey tumbler won't shatter if dropped on the patio, just hand wash only. Comes with two stainless steel chilling spheres.

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A collector-finish pocket knife they'll carry around like a lucky charm. The kind they whip out at the dinner table to open something just so everyone asks where they got it.

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Flip the switch, a little finger comes out and turns it off. It does absolutely nothing, and that's exactly why it's perfect. Pure philosophy in a wooden box.

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A giant sherpa blanket with a hood and massive pockets: put it on and you are officially unavailable to the world. Perfect for binge-watching TV, lazy weeknights, and 'do not perceive me' days.

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The drill bits that finally remove that stripped screw that has been mocking Dad from the door hinge for three years. Inexpensive, but winning that war is priceless.

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Mints in a tin with a diagnosis included: for people who never remember anything. Bought for the joke, kept for the flavor.