The Book of Useless Knowledge

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A little ceramic face with exactly one job: separating whites from yolks in the funniest way possible. Nobody ever fights with an egg again.

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Stick this holder to your shower tiles and enjoy a cold beer under hot water completely hands-free. It holds cans, bottles, and wine glasses because sometimes the shower calls for something fancy. Mounts securely with a suction cup.

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The ice roller that depuffs your face after a midnight cry over universe sign videos. Comes with a matching gua sha to sculpt cheekbones that look like you have it all figured out.

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Eight deep-kneading nodes with soothing heat that deliver the deep tissue massage no family member ever gives right. Over 40,000 rave reviews from people who refuse to share.

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A handy pocket multi-tool with a sweet engraved message meant just for his eyes every time he flips it open. Fixes everything while secretly reminding him who gave it to him.

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A giant sherpa blanket with a hood and massive pockets: put it on and you are officially unavailable to the world. Perfect for binge-watching TV, lazy weeknights, and 'do not perceive me' days.

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Dual heating pods that pump out warmth for hours and fit right in your coat pockets. Perfect for that person who complains about cold hands in mid-July. Bonus: they double as a portable phone charger when your battery dies.

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A desktop Darth Vader holding your pen aloft like a lightsaber. The ultimate desk accessory to bring dad's office over to the Dark Side — the classy side.

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A planter with a serene face and little hands making a heart, where the plant becomes the hairdo. Gift it with a succulent and it'll rule her shelves.