Directions: Just add water. An empty tin can with the most deadpan, professional label you've ever seen. Works every time because someone always takes way too long to get the joke. Essential gear for any imaginary survival pack.
The button takes you to the store; prices can change without notice.
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Eight deep-kneading nodes with soothing heat that deliver the deep tissue massage no family member ever gives right. Over 40,000 rave reviews from people who refuse to share.
The tape dispenses from exactly where you think it does. Easily the dumbest thing you could ever put on an office desk, which is precisely why it works—nobody walks past without making a comment. Pure office comedy gold.
The ultimate gift for that driver who refuses to use turn signals. A bottle of absolute nothing wrapped in a ridiculously convincing label. Sit back and watch your brother-in-law search under the hood for the fill cap, while nobody bothers to stop him.
Dual-sided design: one side fixes the dull edge and the other gives it a razor-sharp finish. Sharpening is oddly therapeutic, plus you'll finally realize your kitchen knives were just crushing things through brute force for years.
Mints in a tin with a diagnosis included: for people who never remember anything. Bought for the joke, kept for the flavor.
A crystal-clear block featuring a laser-engraved message that catches the light. Every time the sun hits their desk, they get a bright little reminder of why it is there.
Pour your bourbon into real wood and let the charred interior add subtle oak barrel flavor to every sip. This wooden whiskey tumbler won't shatter if dropped on the patio, just hand wash only. Comes with two stainless steel chilling spheres.
A pocket bowling alley, ten pins included. The holiday after-dinner hour finally has an official tournament.
Oversized, ultra-soft disposable towels that dry your face without wiping yesterday's bacteria back onto clean skin. The simple daily upgrade your skin notices within a week.